A Lesson About Identity I Learned at the Park

The other day at the park, I got chatting to another mum.

It was one of those casual conversations — the kind that starts with small talk and ends up staying with you long after you’ve walked away.

She shared a moment she’d had recently with her daughter.

Her daughter needed to go to the bathroom.
The public toilets were disgusting.
Understandably, she didn’t want her using them.

Her daughter had recently transitioned out of nappies, but there were still some in the car. So she suggested what felt like a practical solution: put a nappy on, go in the nappy, throw it away — problem solved.

Except… her daughter refused.

She kept saying,
“Mummy, I’m a big girl now. I use the potty.”

It turned into a bit of a battle.
Eventually, the mum won.
The nappy went on.

At the time, she told the story the way most of us would — as one of those exhausting parenting moments you deal with in the moment and move on from.

But I didn’t move on from it.

What stayed with me

Later that day, I found myself thinking about that little girl.

Not about the toilet.
Not about the nappy.

But about why she resisted so strongly.

And that’s when it landed.

It wasn’t about inconvenience or stubbornness.

It was about identity.

It wasn’t about the nappy — it was about identity

That little girl wasn’t being difficult.

She wasn’t trying to assert control for the sake of it.

She was protecting who she knew herself to be.

In her mind, she had crossed a threshold.
She wasn’t a baby anymore.
She was a “big girl.”

And big girls don’t wear nappies.

Asking her to go back into one wasn’t just inconvenient — it asked her to behave in a way that no longer matched who she knew herself to be.

It would be like asking a non-smoker to light up a cigarette simply because someone else wanted them to — or asking someone to stay in a version of themselves they’ve already grown beyond.

You don’t do it — not because you’re stubborn, but because it no longer fits.

And this is where it quietly mirrors us as mums

You don’t outgrow being a mum.

But many women do reach a point where they outgrow being only a mum.

Motherhood is a role — a lifelong, meaningful one — but it was never meant to replace your entire identity.

Just like that little girl was still a child, still dependent, still learning — but no longer a baby — many mums find themselves in a similar transition.

Still responsible.
Still caring deeply.
Still devoted.

But no longer meant to disappear inside the role.

Somewhere along the way, many mums stop offering themselves the same respect they instinctively give their children.

We quietly tell ourselves:

• “I’ll get back to myself later.”

• “This season is just about the kids.”

• “It’s easier if I just do everything.”

• “I don’t have time for that part of me right now.”

We choose convenience over alignment.

And just like that little girl, something inside us resists.

When identity is ignored, resistance shows up

When you live in a way that no longer reflects who you are becoming, something inside you pushes back.

Not loudly.
Not dramatically.

Quietly.

It shows up as:

• Exhaustion that rest doesn’t fix

• Low energy or flatness

• A sense of disconnection or emptiness

• Starting things for yourself but not sustaining them

• A quiet frustration you can’t quite explain

This isn’t ingratitude.
And it isn’t failure.

It’s a sign that the way you’re living no longer matches who you are — not as a mum, but as a whole person.

Good intentions don’t always mean alignment

That mum at the park was doing what most of us do — making the best decision she could in the moment.

This isn’t about judgment.
It’s about awareness.

Because while her solution solved the immediate problem, it didn’t honour her daughter’s growth.

In the same way, when we constantly choose what’s easiest or most convenient at the expense of ourselves, we may be coping — but we’re not growing.

We stay in ways of living we’ve already moved beyond.

You’re allowed to expand beyond survival mode

Motherhood changes you.
Life changes you.

You don’t stop being a mum — but you do continue to grow as a woman.

And when your life only reflects responsibility, service, and survival, that growth has nowhere to go.

Wanting more space, more meaning, or more self-connection doesn’t mean you love your children less.

It means you’re listening to yourself again.

A pause worth taking

That moment at the park stayed with me because it reminded me of something we often forget:

Growth is rarely convenient.
But ignoring it always has a cost.

So if this resonates, the question isn’t:
“What should I be doing?”

It’s:

• Who am I becoming?

• What parts of me have been quietly waiting for space?

• Where am I choosing convenience over alignment?

Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do — for yourself and for your children — is honour the woman you are becoming, even when it’s uncomfortable.

If you’re feeling disconnected from yourself

If you feel like you’ve slowly lost touch with who you are beyond being “mum,”
and you’re not sure where to start…

💛 The Energy Alignment Review is a calm, supportive space to explore how your time, energy, and identity are currently aligned — and what might need to shift next.

Not to fix you.
But to understand you.

Because sometimes alignment begins by listening to the part of you that’s quietly saying,
“There’s more of me here.”